When I hear people say you have a choice to be gay, straight, bi or whatever, it makes me a little sick inside. You do NOT have a choice. The only choice you have is whether or not to stay in the closet. Gay men and women have been beaten and abused, had their rights limited, been treated like slaves or less than human in America. Is it any wonder that through history we have seen suicide rates in the LGBT remain higher compared to other communities? A lot of Gay youth doesn’t even have the support of their own family, so they decide to stay hidden. Even if they do have the support and decide to step out and be who they really are, they have the constant fear that they could be attacked. This happened to me, and it put me firmly in the closet for years.

Moving out to Los Angeles, I was already out to my husband as a bisexual woman. I was also pushing 250 pounds and was used to being the girl no one saw in the room. Overweight people deal with this reaction from others constantly. We are ignored, invalidated and feel invisible. I still feel like that overweight girl a lot of the time because I was overweight for so long. When I finally got healthy in 2003, I didn’t realize I was nominally attractive.

On vacation in Big Bear lake, I was attacked by three men in broad daylight in front of families. Pushing them away and feeling exposed, and frightened, I told Brad about it as soon as he returned from the bathroom. This led to a fight where my husband was outnumbered and ended up being pushed down a flight of concrete stairs. The entire ordeal may never have happened had I not been open about my sexuality, and this is what made me decide to stay in the closet for good. I felt sad that I had to hide my true colors just to feel safe. I couldn’t be me.

How many other members of the LGBT community deal with this fear too? We all do, and we shouldn’t have to. This is why it is so important to get out of the closet, speak up, organize, and use our collective power to stop being treated like a third-world community that is disposable and used to prop up others climb to the top. If I stay quiet I am only a part of the problem. I want to be a part of the solution. People have the choice to stand with us as allies or get out of our way. I do not want to associate with others who do not believe in equal rights and marriage. If you do not like the fact that I am a vocal supporter of the LGBT community through my art, you are more than welcome to walk out of my life. I will not stop. There needs to be a hard push for change. Its the only way to see an improvement in a society that desperately needs improving when it comes to equal rights of citizens.

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